This is how I feel
by EmoButterfly1
Summary: Hermione has a hard time dealing with her imperfections, Harry just wants to feel loved after everythings over and Ron has a little problem battling the Green-eyed monster. Written for Number1girl and lovelikenotommorow. Formerly titled Chasing Perfection
1. With a side of perfection

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Nor do I own the lyrics Imperfection by Skillet. If I did do you really think I would be writing fan fiction?

Hermione Granger wants perfection. She wants the sweet satisfaction she thinks it

brings. All her life she has struggled to squash the inadequacy she has always felt. The sense that shes not quite good enough.

_You're worth so much_

_It'll never be enough_

_To see what you have to give_

_Yet seem so far from everything _

_You're wanting to be_

_You're wanting to be_

_Tears falling down again_

_Tears falling down_

_You fall to your knees_

_You beg, you plead_

_Can I be somebody else_

_For all the times I hate myself?_

_Your failures devour your heart_

_In every hour, you're drowning_

_In your imperfection_

In a quietly desperate act she drove herself to get the highest scores in class. Finding that it gave her some small measure of relief, she did it again. But all this served to do was gain her the label of an overachiever. Alienating her from anyone who could show her that all she was doing was putting a band aid on a gaping wound.

_You mean so much_

_That heaven would touch_

_The face of humankind for you_

_How special you are_

_Revel in your day_

_You're fearfully and wonderfully made_

_You're wonderfully made_

_Tears falling down again_

_Come let the healing begin_

The more she tried the more she seemed to struggle with her feelings of self-worth. Unable to get the same calming effect a simple A would usually bring her, she turned to more extreme solutions. She started going above and beyond the simple good work she was doing and began going for A pluses. When that no longer worked she began to tackle everything with the energy of a zealot.

_You fall to your knees_

_You beg, you plead_

_Can I be somebody else_

_For all the times I hate myself?_

_Your failures devour your_

_In every hour you're drowning_

_In your imperfection_

When she met Harry and Ron she was already on a downward spiral and things could only get worse before they got better. She even went so far as to manipulate the very fabric of time itself in an effort to be the perfect student. And nearly killed herself in the process.

_You're worth so much _

_So easily crushed_

_Wanna be like everyone else_

_No one escapes _

_Every breath we take_

_Dealing with our own_

_Skeletons , skeletons_

Harry and Ron noticed that Hermione was a perfectionist of course, who couldn't? They didn't realize how destructive her behavior was. Instead of trying to her help her with her bad habits they did the exact opposite. They took advantage. But by some weird twist this seemed to be the thing she needed most. By finding friends and falling in love she finally found out that no one is perfect and that by chasing perfection she was only running a race no one is destined to win.

_You fall to your knees_

_You beg, you plead_

_Can I be somebody else_

_For all the times I hate myself?_

_Your failures devour your heart_

_In every hour,you're drowning_

_In your imperfection_

_Won't you believe, yeah _

_Won't you believe,yeah _

_All the things I see in you_

_You're not the only one_

_You're not the only one _

_Drowning in imperfection_

A/N I told my friends that I would write them a story. Which was easier said than done. This turned out to be more lyrics than story but I couldn't help it. This song just fit so...well perfectly. So here you guys go. Hope you like it. Oh, and its you guys turn now. Please read and review.

EmoButterfly


	2. Superman

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Nor do I own the lyrics to the song Kryptonite by Three Doors Down.

The uncertainty was driving him to distraction. He knew what had to be done but, would they still want him when it was over? Everyone was expecting him to kill the bad guy. Like he was some kind of hero or savior? Isn't that what they called him The Savior of the Wizarding World? The pressure to perform to everyone's expectations was staggering, but it was something he had accepted a long time ago.

_I took a walk around the world __To ease my troubled mind __I left my body laying somewhere__In the sands of time __But I watched the world float __To the dark side of the moon __I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah_

What really drove him crazy was the thought that when it was all over they wouldn't need him anymore. That he was nothing more than a tool to be used then thrown away. After being used and abused his whole life he found it hard to trust anyone completely. The wizarding world had already made it clear that as long as he told them what they wanted to hear, they would listen.

_I watched the world float __To the dark side of the moon __After all I knew it had to be __Something to do with you __I really don't mind what happens now and then __As long as you'll be my friend at the end _

He needed to be accepted so much. To have friends, family. People who would love him unconditionally. Hermione and Ron helped to ease the ache he felt inside whenever he felt to alone. There support and friendship could get him through the worst sort of adventure. Through thick and thin they'd always been there. No matter how many times he'd push them away they always came back. Something he was grateful for.

_If I go crazy then will you still __Call me Superman __If I'm alive and well, will you be __There a-holding my hand __I'll keep you by my side __With my superhuman might __Kryptonite_

Even if he knew in his mind that they would always be there, he still had nagging doubts. He couldn't help but remember that time in 4th year when Ron had been jealous. Without Ron on his other side it was like a piece of him had been missing. Hermione had been there but needed both his best friends to shield him from the world.

_You called me strong, you called me weak, __But still your secrets I will keep __You took for granted all the times __I never let you down __You stumbled in and bumped your head ,__If not for me then you'd be dead __I picked you up and put you back __On solid ground_

The world wanted him to do what they couldn't. Why they all believed a teenage boy still in school could kill a Dark Wizard was beyond him. Every time he was praised in the papers he was on pins and needles waiting for the the other shoe to drop. He wanted it all to end but, at the same time was afraid of the outcome. Would they still want him even though he would be a murderer? Or would everyone be so overjoyed at the death of Voldemort that they would forgive him whatever he had to do.

_If I go crazy then will you still __Call me Superman __If I'm alive and well, __Will you be there a-holding my hand __I'll keep you by my side __With my superhuman might __Kryptonite_

All he could really think about as it grew closer to the final battle was would they still put him on a pedestal or would he fall from grace? As he walked out for the final confrontation Hermione was on his left and Ron was on his right and a wave of peace washed over him and in that moment he knew. Knew that no matter what the world said he would always have them by his sides. They were his other halves after all.

_If I go crazy then will you still __Call me Superman __If I'm alive and well, __Will you be there a-holding my hand __I'll keep you by my side __With my superhuman might __Kryptonite_

A/N: I wasn't going to continue this but somebody wanted me to so this is for Stress Overload. I hope you like it. Please review everyone.

EmoButterfly1


	3. Just Ron

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. They belong to JK Rowling, not some sad, little fan fiction author.

He couldn't even begin to tell you when he started to think this way. When it all began to change from helping his best friend fight evil to, how I can get them to notice me. As the sixth of seven children Ron was use to being unrecognized, a part of the group. He'd always been just another Weasley.

Then he'd met Harry, The-Boy-Who-Lived, and suddenly everything changed. He finally had someone to need _him_. To depend on only him and it was intoxicating.

I mean how could he not help but notice how clueless Harry was. How even the simplest wizarding customs were foreign to him. It was only to obvious that Harry hadn't know a thing about magic until he'd gotten his letter.

And it was also obvious that he'd been neglected as well. The baggy clothes, the small, skinny frame, and the almost desperate way he tried to keep Ron as his friend. It had taken Ron months to break Harry of the habit of agreeing with everything Ron said or did and even longer to get him to not copy him in everything he did. Like he didn't know how an eleven year old boy was supposed to act.

Yes in the beginning Harry had been dependant on him and even Hermione to some extinct looked to him for help. Then it began to change, Harry became bolder and more confident in himself and Hermione didn't need him for anything anymore when she could look it up herself and he was suddenly just that Weasley boy seen with Harry Potter.

That was when the jealousy started.

It seemed like yet again he was being left out. The sidekick, the hero's best friend but not the hero himself. He tried to keep it controlled, to keep the nasty comments that burned his tongue like acid to himself.

He knew Harry didn't like the attention. He saw it in every time Harry would flinch when another article or picture of him was printed in the paper, every time a group of girls would break out into giggles when he walked past. The way he never took advantage of his celebrity status. Harry couldn't help that he was famous. Ron told himself, like a personal mantra. He lost his parents and had to live with those horrible muggles. Surely he paid a hefty price for his popularity.

But still, Ron wanted it. The recognition, the admiration, the awe. He wanted to be looked at like he was special, like he wasn't just another Weasley kid.



All these feelings boiled over like a hot, bubbling cauldron when the Tri-wizard tournament took place and Harry was chosen as the fourth champion in a three man competition. Ron saw a red as fiery as his hair and with a fit red heads are known to throw got into a fight with his best friend.

Harry was devastated and somewhere deep down Ron knew he was being unfair. That the whole mess wasn't Harry's fault, but the angry monster that lived inside him just could not let it go.

After the first task and the roaring green eyed monster was scared into submission, Ron promised himself to never let anything like that happen again. He put a leash on the monster, curbed his sharp tongue and everything went back to normal.

They had adventures, saved people, and just generally got into trouble, when it happened again.

The monster was set lose and they fought again. Ron ended up storming away, leaving them and then almost instantly regretting it. Why couldn't he get himself under control? Why couldn't he rid himself of the affliction that had been plaguing him for years?

He needed to be needed and he needed to feel useful like he wasn't just dead weight dragging everybody down. He wanted skills, or looks or something, anything to make him unique.

He couldn't stand being part of the crowd of just blending in to obscurity. He couldn't deal with being nothing, of being _nobody_.

The very idea of going through life unnoticed like Harry wanted was just something he could not comprehend. Harry was always in the spot light while Ron was in the shadow it cast. He tried to keep the other monster, who answered to resentment, from rearing its ugly head.

Harry was his friend really he was no matter what the beings who lived inside him said. If Harry was going to take on the Grim Reaper himself then Ron would be there right beside him. But the voices he just could not ignore were always whispering to him that they wanted more. More fame, more prestige.

It got to the point where he wasn't sure why he was doing anything he did anymore. If he was really saving people because they needed to be saved or because he hoped his picture would get in the paper.

He needed a break and after the last fight with Harry during the horcrux hunt he took some time to think and to exorcize the demons that had been tormenting him for so long.



He sat down and realized that he didn't need the world's acceptance at all to feel whole. That he would never get what he needed to be happy from someone else. That no matter what he did the feelings he wanted could only come from within himself. His friends liked him for who he was and they didn't see him as another Weasley kid.

They saw him as Ron. They saw him as himself and he didn't need any more than that. His friends loved him and his family did too. All this time he'd been searching for something to make him confident in himself and really he didn't need anything after all. That he was good enough already.

He came to the conclusion that maybe being just Ron was what he'd been searching for all along and that maybe being just Ron wasn't so bad after all.

A/N: Wow it took me a long time to finish this. I'm really sorry for anybody who was waiting for this update. I just couldn't seem to find any inspiration for Ron's part and then all of a sudden the words came to me. So here you guys go, that's all there is and there isn't any more.

EmoButterfly1


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